Living With My Lap Band – Still Expanding My Lap Band Support Team After Six Years

There was a recent post on the forum at bandedliving.com titled “How Do You Get something You’ve Never Had”, you can read it on our forums at:  http://www.bandedliving.com/members/cfmbb/forums.cfm

Someone was asking the Banded Living community how you get self esteem and self confidence when you have never had it.  I had planned on blogging about support team building and how it continues no matter where you are in your journey, and this post gave me lots of food for thought.

The first thing I thought about was how messed up my concept of body image still is, even after lap band surgery, plastic surgery and  over four years of maintaining a normal healthy weight.  Every morning when I wake up I run my hands over my body actually expecting the 250 pounds I lost to be back.  I know how much I weigh, I know what size I was when I went to bed, but still I expect to wake up weighing 424 pounds.  How silly is that?  Doesn’t matter how silly it is, I still feel that way.  To combat that fear I then look in the mirror and try to remember how my body used to fill the mirror.  I still do not see a normal size person, but it is a little better.  Then I put on an oversized sweatshirt, saved from the days when I was huge and I feel a little bit better.  Bottom line is some of the time I still don’t get it.  I am not a 424 pound person, nor will I ever be one again.  I wonder when the 100% self confidence comes?  I think never.  My belief is that self confidence is something that we humans work on daily, no matter what our size or where we are on the journey called life.  Here I got to be my own cheer leader.

Next I thought about how I still go straight for the handicapped stall in public rest rooms because it is larger, automatically turn sideways to pass someone either in an airplane aisle or even in a store, go directly to the women’s (translated large sized) clothing at department stores, and all sorts of things that have me acting like I still weigh 424 pounds.  I am beginning (at this point in my lap band journey) to do these things less frequently, but I have not achieved 100% on any of them yet.  When we are together, my lap band buddy Gloria often points out my mistakes in these areas.  Here I have a buddy as my coach.

I then think about going places with my husband, meeting people we haven’t seen in years and how he “talks me up” as they comment on my appearance.  His pride in my accomplishments has been fuel for many successful fires over the course of our marriage.  I guess that’s why the marriage is still going strong after forty two years.  He is my biggest fan and best cheer leader.

Then I start thinking about the support groups that I never miss and wonder why they are so important to me.  I find three major reasons.  The first is that being around a group of like people is always rewarding and provides some centering quality to my thought process.  Basically, it helps keep me on track.  Next, there is ALWAYS something to be learned at a support group, sometimes from the most unlikely sources.  I have left support group with useful information that has come from people who have not yet been banded, or those who had lap band surgery just weeks earlier.  This brings me to the third reason.  It’s pretty cool to be somewhat of an “expert”.  This really drives self esteem.  Being able to answer questions, provide some inspiration for those just starting on their journey, give a tip to someone who is struggling with something I have managed to get past, or just sit there quietly and be the poster child for lap band surgery gone right feels good.  I take all the “feel good” where I can get it!

Next I remembered why I choose to speak at the seminars that my surgeon presents to prospective weight loss surgery patients.  I pay it forward at these seminars because without my surgeon and my lap band I probably would be either dead or extremely disabled with a very limited quality of life.  I speak from a place of honesty, I never have my speech prepared so it is very much based on my feelings at the moment.  This gives me the opportunity to share myself, my successes, my new life with a room of strangers who are deciding for themselves if they want to embark on a similar journey.  This allows me to never forget that I chose life when I was at that crossroad.  It allows a room full of strangers to be my cheerleader.

I think about why I blog my story, why I mentor people, and why I have created a community by patients for patients.  I know this is to reinforce my new found self confidence.

Then I think about all of my visits to the surgeon’s office and all of my conversations with the doctors, the nurses, the patient facilitator, the physician’s assistant and how they all have been my best friend, my teacher, my coach and my conscience as I embarked upon my weight loss journey and as I continue to maintain my weight loss today.  I frequently ask questions of my doctor as my head coach.  I would like to share my surgeon’s response to my question of whether, at six years post op and maintaining for over four years he considered me cured, in remission, or undergoing treatment, “It depends on your own personal frame of mind and which one empowers you the most.”

Personal empowerment is an ongoing process.  Employ whomever you can to help you with the process.