Random Thoughts Of A Lap Band Patient Seeking Success

by sandi on January 14, 2015

Random Thoughts Of A Lap Band Patient Seeking SuccessI woke up this morning (it’s Friday morning), jumped on the scale and was pleased with what I saw.  I put on my sweats and headed downstairs for my tea and coffee, then I took off to the gym where I hit the pool for 30 minutes of swimming laps.  My arms were still sore from my 60 minutes of weight training on Wednesday, but true to form I live in the land of no excuses when it comes to my personal fitness so I did it anyway.  I got out of the pool, showered and dressed for the day.  I was headed to a dentist appointment.  As I finished drying my hair I looked in the mirror.  Then I looked again and turned sideways, and the all the way around to the back.  For a moment I was surprised.

Why was I surprised?  I liked what I saw, that’s why.  I saw a strong, fit woman who had fewer lumps and bumps since the last time she looked at herself with that intensity.  I looked again, and kept looking and thought, wow, all of this work I am doing daily is paying off.  My body profile is starting to look slimmer, my thighs do not look or feel as big as they were before; my face and arms and shoulders are definitely showing the changes.  I was happy with my image in the mirror.  I was happy with ME, my choice to have my Lap Band replaced with a new Lap Band and all of the possibilities that were unfolding for me on my new journey.

Random Thoughts Of A Lap Band Patient Seeking SuccessI thought for a moment and realized that while I had been okay with myself these past few years while I was struggling to figure out what was happening with my WLS tool I hadn’t been really HAPPY in a long time.  I had regained some weight, still keeping off 220 pounds which is great no doubt; but I was not satisfied with 25- 30 pounds more than my lowest weight.  I knew I could maintain that weight but no matter what I did I still struggled.  Reconnecting with my doctor and questioning everything that was happening brought us to determine that my band was not holding fluid and needed to be replaced.  That’s after 10 years of success that I never in my wildest dreams thought possible.  I heard if you’re going to have another surgery do this one or that one or why have surgery again you look great and all of that.

WHY did I have surgery again?  I had surgery again and choose LAP BAND again because I was hungry all the time and could not maintain a stable weight.  I was fighting demons 100% of the time and couldn’t do it.  That’s why I had surgery in 2004 and that’s why I had surgery again in 2014.  My hunger is gone and I am HAPPY with who I see when I look in the mirror.

Oh, don’t get me wrong.  I “wish” I had fewer wrinkles on my face, long slim legs like so many others, and a belly that was not only flat (thank you Dr. Pickart) but had no new scars on it; and I could name off a few more “flaws” if I picked myself apart.  I don’t need to pick myself apart.  I know who I am and where I’m going, and it’s not back to that “Friday fat girl” who would come out every weekend to play; eating tortilla chips and guacamole like they were without calories or consequence, drinking numerous glasses of wine or worse; eating bread just because I could; asking my husband to stop and get me cookies because I had a bad day; you name it I used it as an excuse to eat. 

My physical hunger that gnawed at me 24/7 is gone.  I get physically hungry every 3-4 hours which is appropriate and I feed that physical hunger delicious, high protein food in appropriate portions and I am satisfied until the next meal.  I am drinking water like a fish between meals and planning my meals whenever possible.  I am learning to dine in restaurants with friends again and not focus on food for the entire time we’re sitting.

Random Thoughts Of A Lap Band Patient Seeking SuccessIn other words, I am optimizing my results with my weight loss surgery tool, and guess what folks – IT WORKS!  I am back in my favorite jeans and can breathe and need a belt with them, I feel strong, and I am sleeping better, and am enjoying every day for what it’s worth.  Each and every day is the very best day it can be.

I vow to look in the mirror each day and say, “You’ve got this girl.  Just look at what you have been able to do” This will keep me doing every day and keep the “Weekend Fat Girl” locked up in the closet where she belongs as I feel deep in my soul the same joy I felt this morning as I looked in the mirror.

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